‘Twas the Night before Silence (Part 1)
I’m heading to a monastery called the Abbey at Gethsemani in Trappist, Kentucky for a silent retreat tomorrow. I will be there for five days. It will be my third year and I’m looking forward to the solitude.
Solitude = the state or situation of being alone.
Three years ago, solitude felt lonely and disconnected from humanity in a way that left me feeling somewhere between sad and depressed. Alone, the enemy had a way of whispering louder than in the hustle and bustle of my everyday life.
Alone, he would quickly convince me I was alone because no one liked me, not even the people who loved me. I was often persuaded in my soul that I was loved but no one truly liked me. I believed those who loved me did so because they “should” but not because they wanted to.
Have you ever felt like maybe people love you, but they don’t really like you?
When we believe that, we begin to behave in ways that make us hard to like, even if someone is “obligated” to love us.
What happens in your mind when no one else is around?
What thoughts do you begin to entertain?
When you have moments for quiet contemplation, do you feel more centered and grounded, isolated and alone or like I used to feel, like a cat on a hot tin roof, unable to be still?
As the day quickly approaches for this retreat, I have begun to wonder exactly what I was thinking about scheduling five days away three weeks before Christmas, especially considering how many commitments I have between here and there.
I know what I was thinking. I was thinking about how Bible study would be over, so I would no longer be preparing for that. I thought that perhaps I could get Christmas ready a little early and then have some time to decompress from all the busyness.
I, of course, did not take into consideration that I would have 60 or 70 things to wrap, last minute shopping before sending boxes off to California, or that our sewage pump in the basement would stop working and sewage would bubble up into my drain pipe flooding the basement.
They say that life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Tonight I filled three laundry baskets with smelly, wet laundry from the basement floor that could not be washed at home since the water all backs up into the drain pipe.
My youngest daughter and I decided to go shopping for a few last-minute gifts before the boxes go to California.
We shopped until they closed the mall on us, grabbed a burrito at Taco Bell and headed to the laundromat. My daughter and I discovered a fun game at the laundromat and were not ready to leave 30 minutes after we got there and the laundry was clean.
Playing that silly game of dropping quarters in a machine and trying to knock quarters off of a ledge was one of the most delightful outings my daughter and I have shared in a while… second only to the five hours we spent painting ceramic bowls for our cats at a pottery painting store on Friday.
I am learning to thoroughly delight in the time I get to spend with my family. The hospital department my husband works in threw a 70s themed Christmas party at the Air Force Museum on Saturday night.
My husband, who usually likes to blend into the woodwork, suggested that we go dressed like 70-year-olds instead of the 1970s disco and hippie-themed costumes everyone else would be wearing. I loved the idea!
It was a very fun and playful experience going to the thrift shop to purchase all the pieces of our wardrobe. It wasn’t until after the event that I discovered the $4 shawl was actually a real mink fur stole from somewhere between the 1940s and the 1960s in mint condition valued at somewhere between $75 and $250!
It kept my shoulders toasty warm, and I figure it will look good with the twelve short sleeve Walmart dresses that now comprise my summer and winter wardrobe. With eight black undershirts, my summer wardrobe turned into a winter one!
These are my thoughts as I hunker down for a VERY LATE NIGHT taking care of everything I put off for tomorrow.
Proverbs 12:24 (NIV): "Diligent hands will rule, but laziness ends in forced labor."