Toxic Positivity
Baby Girl,
Welcome home! You’ve been gone for 20 days now and it feels good to be home. Before you rush off to work, let’s talk.
You have an opportunity to shift your mindset and experience that uninhibited joy you asked Me about a few years ago. Are you interested?
Remember when uninhibited joy was your focus word for the year?
Do you know what has been preventing you from experiencing that joy?
Toxic positivity.
Look up the definition of toxic positivity.
“Toxic positivity is a form of extreme optimism that involves suppressing or invalidating negative emotions or experiences. It is the pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings or experiences. It invalidates human experience and can lead to trauma, isolation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.”
Who wrote that?
Betterup.com. It was the first thing that came up when I Googled toxic positivity.
Finish reading that page and tell Me what’s so bad about toxic positivity.
The difference between what to say and what not to say is nuanced. One invalidates or judges someone for having difficult emotions about challenging experiences and one validates that it is challenging and goes on to encourage them to have hope.
Reminds me of comparative suffering. “It could be worse. Don’t be negative. You’ll get over it.” Essentially, toxic positivity is telling someone (or believing you have to) suck it up, get over it and don’t talk about it.
Baby, it’s not toxic positivity that has been keeping you from experiencing uninhibited joy. It’s the way you’ve been applying what you learned in counseling that has been preventing your joy.
People are asking how your time away was and you are guarding your answers. It’s like you’re afraid to have an exclusively positive answer. Are you afraid you’ll seem like you are bragging about your trip, you’ll make others envious, or your family will look at you like you’re exaggerating what was good about it?
So, what has been your “toned down” answer?
We had a nice time. We mostly laid around. Politics and stocks were on the TV around the clock, and at times it was too hot to go outside. It was a longer trip than the girls and I would have preferred. My family spent a lot of money, I ate too much, and my jean shorts are too tight now. I’ll have to do something about that now that I’m home.
THAT is toxic.
Start over.
Make Me envious!
We spent the first week of our vacation in Los Osos which is near Morro Bay. It’s probably my favorite vacation spot! The weather stays in the high 60s, perfect for short walks or long hikes. My in-laws have no expectations of us when we are together. What a gift! I woke up every morning to hours of sitting at the dining room table studying the Bible and formatting these letters to publish them.
The girls are old enough that they mostly entertain themselves now. It was beautiful to watch them hanging out together and enjoying each other’s company. They loved the freedom of taking the car and going shopping together or grabbing something to eat and I loved the freedom to choose not to go without feeling like I was letting anyone down.
My husband’s mom and aunt have had serious health issues in recent years, but in their late 70s and early 80s they are still able to get around and do all the things they have always done. I am so blessed to have both sets of parents living!
My father-in-law and youngest daughter went to my first official drum circle with me, and I LOVED IT! I’d like to start hosting them on a somewhat regular basis here with friends and family.
We FINALLY visited the little Nazarene church in Los Osos and I was able to go to my sister-in-law’s church where they live. I LOVE getting to step into any church in America and know that I am at home in the body of Christ, no matter where I am!
I’m rested up and ready to get back to my routine.
That’s better.
What was the Bible verse you made your YouTube video about last night?
Psalm 131:2 - “Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with his mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.”
Take the concept of toxic positivity out of your mind.
For much of your life, you have been accused of being overly positive or optimistic and have been encouraged to curb your enthusiasm. When you were diagnosed with bipolar, you started to carry concern that any positivity was a symptom that would lead to mania.
If you were happy, were you too happy?
To “balance the universe,” you have unintentionally created the bad habit of toning down every positive thought you have with a “healthy dose of reality.”
You’ve been robbing yourself of uninhibited joy and unintentionally making people sorry they even asked. Your counselor warned you to guard against toxic positivity because you were imploding with negative thoughts the enemy offered you which you didn’t know how to reject, and so you refused to process. THAT is why she talked to you about it - not because you were actually happy and expressing it.
You know better now. You know how to be honest with yourself and with Me about how you’re feeling. You know how to decide which thoughts you want to accept and which ones you need to reject because they are not born of My Spirit.
Words are powerful. They contain within them the power of life and death. Be honest with yourself and honest with Me. We can handle those difficult emotions with ease when we process them together.
When speaking with others, here is your rubric:
Is what you’re saying true? Does it agree with Scripture?
Is it noble? Does it reveal high moral principles and ideals?
Is it just? Is it based on what is right and fair?
Is it pure? Is it free from worldly reasoning?
Is it lovely?
Is it a good report? Or will it burden the one who hears?
Is there virtue in it? Is it even worth saying?
Is it praiseworthy? Is it deserving of approval or admiration?
If every word you speak for the rest of your life is expressed based on the guidelines set forth in Philippians 4:8 and someone takes issue with that, it is their issue, not yours.
You are to live IN this world but not OF it.
Stop taking your cues from society and the people around you.
LOVE you,
Daddy
Philippians 4:8