Spiritual Drill Sergeant
Baby Girl,
Get up NOW. Let’s talk.
10:30 PM. No, this is not our appointment. Consider this the appointment before the appointment.
Read Me the last text you sent to your ministry partner.
“Sweet dreams, my friend!”
You know exactly what I’m talking about.
Let’s start over. Sunday morning, you allowed anxiety over something that was put on the website to cause you to distrust Alanna.
I didn’t distrust her.
You distrusted her. Had you told her you would like it worded differently?
Yes.
But rather than waiting and trusting that she would take care of it, you crossed over established lines of responsibility and changed the website yourself.
Do you want to be responsible for the website?
Absolutely not! I told her tonight and I KNOW it’s true, that without her, there would be no DSM.
There it is. That is the ROOT of fear that the enemy planted months ago. It has been sitting dormant because it had not surfaced yet. Below the surface of your awareness, that little seed was being watered and, underground, it was starting to take root: “Without Alanna, there would be no DSM.”
Remind Me, whose ministry is this?
It’s Yours.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Are you really? Because you just told Alanna tonight that without her, there would be no DSM. If tomorrow, Alanna decided to walk away - she was done - are you?
There are those tears.
IF TOMORROW, Alanna decides to walk away, ARE YOU DONE?
You are thinking so many things right now, Sweet Girl. It’s okay. That’s natural.
Do you know what the problem with natural thinking is?
It often contradicts the leading of My Spirit entirely. Tell Me what you are thinking.
I’ve done nothing.I’ve listened to You and wrote down what You said; that’s it. My part has been easy and if it was just up to me, I would be sitting with a big pile of documents on my computer that would not be helping anyone. Actually, I don’t even know if I would.
Before she helped me learn to recognize Your voicein my life and how to differentiate your voice from the enemy’s… before she let me know that I had come into agreement with mental illness and I had the responsibility and PRIVILEGE to claim and walk in my healing, I was SO LOST. I was SO broken.
Before I met her, I had NO idea what Your voice sounded like. I just obeyed a set of teachings in a religious book.
If I had never met Alanna, I would still be a self-righteous, religious do-gooder.
On top of all that, I didn’t know the FIRST THING about building a website…
And this book?! Walk Around Your City… It was 19 pages in a Word document of what I heard You say on our walk. I had no vision for how to lay it out or that it would be a call for people to take their own prayer walk.
I knew it was Your call for Your church to stand up and take our communities back in prayer but I didn’t have any idea how to format it. After You told me what to write and as soon as she laid it out, filling in my side of the back story for each day was easy. My part has always been easy.
So yeah, without her, DSM would not exist.
But DSM now exists. If tomorrow, Alanna decided to walk away - she was done - are you?
I don’t WANT to do this without her.
That is your soul.
That’s your thoughts and your emotions speaking.
Command your soul to be still and answer My question: If tomorrow, Alanna decided to walk away, told you she was done, are you?
Baby, you look like you’re at her funeral. I’m not telling you that Alanna will be walking away; I’m revealing a foothold you have given the enemy in your life.
Your LOVE for Alanna is not the foothold, your fear of losing her partnership IS.
I’m going to ask you one more time: If tomorrow, Alanna decided to walk away, told you she was done, are you?
No.
That was weak.
Talk to Me about what happened on Sunday.
Saturday night, Alanna had mentioned having a salvation invitation on the website. She wanted to use the explanation and prayer I had written for the book - also at her suggestion. I LOVED the idea!
After she turned it into a webpage, she asked me what I thought. There was a link to click saying that you had been born again. When you clicked on it, there was a prompt that asked something to the effect of how DSM had affected your faith and do we have your permission to share your testimony.
You felt uncomfortable about that, woke up Sunday morning, and impulsively changed the website because you didn’t trust Alanna would handle it…
Don’t interrupt Me. You didn’t trust her…
Then, when you realized you had violated a boundary that you had clearly and expressly agreed to, the enemy had the PERFECT opportunity to open his cunning little mouth because he KNEW the seed had already been planted.
What did I tell you Sunday morning?
“You’re making this into more than it is. It’s another lesson learned. That’s all.”
What was the first lie that you’re aware he told you, in hindsight?
“Now you’ve done it. She has tolerated a lot from you but now you’ve crossed over the line. You disrespected her after all she’s done for you. I bet she won’t want to meet with you on Tuesday.”
What did you do with that thought?
I spent HOURS researching what it takes to be a good partner in business.
What did you discover?
A LOT.
Summarize.
“How to choose the right partner…”
Why would you waste your time with that concept? I already chose for you.
What did it say about choosing the right partner?
“Trust is a core aspect. Choose someone with complementary skills rather than someone who is just like you.”
Is Alanna just like you?
No. We are about as opposite as two girls can be. Every single weakness I have, she is really great at, and what I do so naturally is not natural to her.
So, I chose well?
You chose PERFECTLY.
Okay, so that’s taken care of. What else?
“Communication. Schedule regular meetings, face-to-face or via video call. Talk about how you’re doing personally in addition to discussing business, so you are invested in each other’s lives.”
In the past 15 months, can you count on one hand the number of weeks you have not sat face-to-face at least one hour a week for discipleship?
Yes.
Keep reading.
“Touch base often. In addition to meetings, touch base with your partner every day, even if it’s only a quick text or email check in. Listen carefully. If you disagree on an issue, don’t be defensive. Listen and make joint decisions based on what’s in the organization’s best interest.”
“Don’t stay angry. Stay calm. Talk through situations and resolve them. Be honest and open. Celebrate successes and milestones big and small.”
How are you doing on all that?
Good.
You’ve been discouraged by the lack of communication from Alanna. She doesn’t share her feelings.
Yes, but she explained that tonight.
What did she say?
“We’d be a mess if I let my soul get involved.”
She was responding to spinning texts all evening as you have been unraveling a spool of fear.
Remember last week when your cat got a hold of that bobbin of thread? He batted it around that dining room like a pinball in a pinball machine until the whole spool was unraveled, tangled around every leg of the table and all eight chairs, and the bobbin, finally free from the line, became like a hockey puck flying across the room every time he swatted at it, making a lot of racket.
Baby, that’s what was happening to your emotions tonight, but it didn’t start tonight. It started after we talked on Sunday morning when the enemy suggested she might not want to meet with you on Tuesday.
Did you meet this morning?
No. She said she didn’t sleep well and needed to cancel.
Did you trust her?
Yes.
Really?
From My vantage point, knowing your heart and all, I saw you immediately replaying Sunday when the enemy suggested she would be cancelling. All day, the belief that you had permanently damaged your relationship slowly built to a climax.
While it was building, was she silent?
No. She has continued talking to me about the Facebook link.
My sister offered to start a Facebook page to share the letters on and I was contemplating the idea, even though You clearly told me I was not to have social media. Alanna reminded me to pay attention to what my spirit is saying. I already had my answer. She said that “I think” is my mind trying to reason.She was right.
When I stopped entertaining the idea, I felt a HUGE weight lift. I appreciate her reminders when I start getting off track or entertaining things You’ve clearly told me “No” about.
Okay, so let’s fast forward and look at what happened:
You spent the past two days unraveling that spool of fear in your mind that you had permanently damaged your relationship with Alanna.
Then Alanna canceled this morning, confirming the fear the enemy offered you on Sunday.
You held it in as long as you could and then you vomited EVERYTHING in your soul for a hot minute, felt flushed with shame, regretted it all, and wanted to hide under a rock.
Does that sound accurate?
- A LOT OF TYPING AND ERASING WHAT I WROTE -
Fortunately, you just deleted all of that soulish drivel.
Read what she said.
“The only thing I can say with 100% certainty is that I’m following the LORD. He’s the reason we met, and He’s the reason we are here today doing this together.
You are thinking, and talking about all of that is coming from your soul, and there are absolutely no answers or help there. You have to learn to discipline your thought life because the further you go down a wrong path, the longer it takes to recover from it.
I praise God that He has taught me so well over the last couple years to discipline my thought life and take command of my soul. That is the primary reason I often don’t have much to say in response. I am not operating from my soul in this partnership, this relationship, this business, or this ministry. If I did, we would not be in a healthy place LOL!
I cast my cares on the Lord. I consult with the Lord and He is my help and my wisdom. No person is that for me. Only Him.
If you feel that way, you need to clear that up with the Lord. He’s already carried every grief and sorrow. You’re not supposed to. The pastor we have been learning from says that talking about your feelings doesn’t ‘get it off your chest,’ it just drives it deeper into your soul.
I feel like the Lord has been pretty blunt with you saying that this is His ministry, not yours. In that same vein, my role in this partnership is to serve His ministry, not yours. That’s my attitude and, as such, my loyalty to this partnership has absolutely nothing to do with what you do or say or what you don’t do or say.
I think the fact that you got so tangled up in this situation just shows how much you honor this relationship, and I appreciate you and love you for that. I honor it, too, which is even more reason to make sure I stay OUT of my soul about it!”
I said something about hoping that she is made close enough to the image of God that she has the supernatural ability to forgive me and forget this whole conversation ever happened.
She said, “I am made EXACTLY in the image of God, and I DO have the supernatural ability to forgive and forget. And so do you.”
I said, “I sure hope so because I have a really heavy feeling in my chest right now.”
She said, “Have you told the devil to shut up and flee yet?”
Well, had you?
No. I almost felt like I was paralyzed to do so - like I was mute. I remember having that feeling many other times over the past year. I was able to recognize it was the spirits of insecurity, rejection, and fear, but when I went to speak against them, it’s almost like the spirits of depression and hopelessness had my tongue.
She sent, “James 4:7-8a: Therefore, submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
I want to draw your attention to something I noticed the other day. We always talk about James 4:7, submit to God, resist the devil. Submit to God, resist the devil. But look at the beginning of the next verse: draw near to God.
Our approach to resisting the devil should have THREE steps:
1. Submit to God
2. Resist the devil
3. Draw near to God
Bookend it with your attention on God. Don’t stop with your attention on the devil.”
I was reminded of the letter where You talked to me about Ready Position and You said, “He is a defeated foe. He appears more powerful than he really is. If you’re holding My hand, you can stand nose-to-nose, eye-to-eye, and boldly command that he get out of your way and he must.”
What did you then say to Alanna?
“Thank you for talking to me tonight.
I had no idea how oppressed I was until I just corrected everything he was saying to me and told him to leave. I feel like I can breathe again.
Those lies just add up! It’s like a huge elephant sat on my chest and it was getting hard to breathe.
Somehow, I went from this Sunday morning’s, ‘Baby Girl, you’re making this into more than it is. It’s another lesson learned. That’s all,’ to where I ended up tonight.
Holy cow! Did you see the spiral starting before this evening?
I know that I’m not your responsibility but you have been my spiritual parent of sorts and I’m done with this spiritual adolescence.
I’m DONE being led by my thoughts and emotions. I’m ready to really start tackling becoming skilled in my thought life.
Dumping my thoughts with you over the past 15 months has been EXTREMELY helpful as you know, I have had to learn to think differently about almost everything. We’ve been undoing a LIFETIME of wrong thinking.
As of today, November 26, 2024, I want to be done entertaining my soul.
I would like you to almost be a spiritual drill sergeant at this point because I want to become a MASTER at IMMEDIATELY becoming aware when I am crossing over from Spirit to soul. I want to IMMEDIATELY address wrong thinking.
When you see it, I want you to IMMEDIATELY address it.
Don’t worry about being soft or gentle.
Be direct and honest.
I don’t want to ‘thought dump’ with you or anyone anymore.
I don’t want to deny my feelings but I want to become skilled at taking them straight to God.
Rather than ignoring anything I send, if it is unproductive, unbiblical, or in any way soulish, I want you to call it out IMMEDIATELY, not after praying about if you should address it. As soon as you see it, ADDRESS IT.
I want it to be like if I had an infestation of ants, anytime one crawls out from under the counter, STEP ON IT!
I don’t handle silence well and I’ve been allowing my imagination to take me to dark places when I discover I’ve been wrong. I add sin to sin, talking my way out of my discomfort.
Will you please commit to immediately calling out anything that doesn’t belong in my thought life or conversation?
I just got mad at the devil and I don’t think I’ve ever been more resolved to not let myself go there again.”
Alanna said, “I will always follow the LORD’s promptings.”
What did you say?
There’s that smile…
I said, “Well, then, I’m just gonna ask the LORD to make you extremely sensitive to anything soulish that I send you and to have you immediately address it.
I PROMISE I will accept any correction coming from you in that regard as coming directly from Him. In the long run, it will be SO much more pleasant to hear from me when I master this thought life.”
Well Little One… I’m going to ask you again:
If tomorrow, Alanna decided to walk away, told you she was done, are you?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I’d be sad, for sure, but You put her in my life and I trust You. You have blessed me BEYOND words through her. You have taught me, trained me, and comforted me through her. You did it. It has always been You.
DSM is Yours and Your Word says that what YOU begin, YOU are Faithful to finish.
Thank You for talking to me tonight, Daddy.
You don’t even have to say it… YOU will be the One to let me know if I say anything that is unproductive, unbiblical, or in any way soulish, won’t You?
You got it.
LOVE you,
Daddy
Proverbs 9:8